My Five Minute Friday on: Lonely
"Do you consider yourself?" she asked.
I stared back at her.
"During the day, how often do you consider yourself?" I guess she thought adding a few more words would help me.
I racked my summer-fried brain. What did that even mean?
I keep myself pretty busy. Even when the kids are in school, my days are filled. I have work to do. But then she asked me this question and I felt sort of embarrassed for myself. I didn't really ever stop and ask myself how I was doing. Was I supposed to?
The more I thought about it the more I wondered were my efforts to stay so busy subconsciously my way to keep it away?
Being alone is not the scary thing. It's lonely I'm afraid of.
Lonely is on the prowl. It hides behind doors and waits until you've dropped the kids off to school. It sits by a phone the never rings and an inbox filled with spam. It whispers lies into your ears that your imagination picks up and weaves stories with. Stories about how alone you are and how you aren't valuable and how you've been overlooked.
See, if I was okay with me then I wouldn't mind the prowler. I could tell it to get lost — "I'm enjoying this time with myself". If I truly knew my worth, then the lies would have no power. I would not need other people to affirm me. I wouldn't need responsibility and activities so I can feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
Considering yourself is mostly about caring about you. Yes, it's stealing away time to read a book or to watch your favorite show or doing something for yourself. But it's also taking your internal temperature and actually caring about the answer. It's not rushing through lunch because there's no one there to share it with, but slowing down and just being in the moment with yourself.
Do you consider yourself? I haven't before, but I'm going to try.
Linking today with Lisa-Jo…