It's been too long, I know. I hope I've been missed. My absence has not been on purpose. The Lord has been occupying my time with other worthwhile causes (I will share more when I have something to show you).
I sit down to write and all I can think of is how thankful I am. Obviously thankful for all of the normal stuff; a loving husband, healthy happy kids, Adam's job, a roof (literally) over our heads. If I was to summarize what God has been teaching me over the last several months I would say His faithfulness. Financial woes, a leaking roof, and a bump in the marriage road and I am often left trying to figure out how to fix it or worse, feeling like there is no hope. Deep down I know there is always Hope. But I spend too much of my life (as a planner) looking ahead and using that as fodder for worrying. How am I going to pay that bill? Will we ever have enough money to fix our roof? get new windows? give the kids their own rooms? The mental list can go on and on. A planner is always looking ahead and I think that is a good trait. But sometimes, the planning can get in the way of plain old trusting. A planner looks at what's going to happen and tries to figure out how to handle it. Again, not a bad thing. But if God is the ultimate planner, how much of my own planning gets in the way of God's plan? If I am always trying to figure out how to fix it or make this or that work out, am I focusing too much on my own efforts?
Certainly there is a give and take. Our relationship with God should involve discussing the plan with Him. Asking Him for guidance. Depending on Him knowing, accepting, surrendering that I cannot do it all myself. The Lord continues to blow me away. His faithful provision, just when we need it the most, leaves me in awe. He is faithful when I make the choice to not worry (even though it's difficult) and choose to trust Him to take care of me.
The one thing God keeps bringing me back to is today. Today I can pay this bill. Today I can put food on the table. Today our cars are both running. Today...
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34).
Thank you God for your faithfulness. Thank you for reminding me that I don't have to do this all on my own. Thank you for what you have provided today and the peace of knowing it is enough.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
"That which we fear might happen to us — might be the thing to produce deep faith in us. Why be afraid of anything — when He’s using everything?"
-- Ann Voskamp, "A Holy Experience"
Need I say anymore? I love this quote. I believe this quote. I have lived this quote.
It's not that I welcome the bad in. I don't look forward to hard. Easy and calm are so comfortable. But I think it's more a way of life. A perspective to combat our fears. When we struggle or when we hurt it's a place to turn. It's a promise (Romans 8:28).
My son was given an opportunity. A mere blip on the screen of life, but I'm seeing it as a life lesson. He joined a club at school, a problem solving club. It's literally not for everyone. He actually wasn't even asked to join. It was his interest in it that began a conversation about him participating. His teacher said it's difficult. It starts out okay but as the year progresses it gets harder and harder. For some kids that's too much. We were asked to consider whether or not we wanted to put him through that. From day one his interest in being part of it hasn't wavered. The more I thought about it the more I wanted him to have the chance to try. Just because something is hard doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
Life is hard. Although I don't want life to be hard for my kids I do see the value in it. The hard stuff develops character and perseverance (Romans 5:3-5). It molds our faith. Because when we begin to realize that there is worth and value in the things we have to work hard for, then we are more likely to surrender to it, appreciate it. If everything was easy, would we ever turn to God? It's in the trenches that we meet God and understand how much we need Him.
Maybe we could do without the painful losses and the deep wounds and scars of things that "shouldn't" have happened to us, but for me, I learned more about myself and God because of what I've had to deal with. And I can look back on my past without wishing this or that never happened because I know and have seen how God has used it for my good. I wouldn't be who I am today without having to face the hard stuff. And I don't have to live in fear of what is going to happen, because I have had to persevere and I know that He will be there helping me through it.