Friday, December 6, 2013

Reflection (a five minute friday)

My Five Minute Friday on: Reflect

I spoke yesterday at a local MOPS group. I told them all about how to take better pictures. I grasped the sides of the podium, microphone poised and ready for my words and all I could think of was "how did I wind up here?"

I'm not a speaker, after all.

I told you once how I feel like a fraud. How I hesitate to claim, well, much of anything in my life for fear that someone might then expect something from me. And what if I can't deliver?

It's taken me the past year to see the flaw in that.

After throwing away the ruler and giving myself permission to be human, I have words being spoken into my heart of love and acceptance.

Why do I struggle to believe them?

It's confusing to a child when innocence is stolen, but it makes no more sense to me now. The betrayal defined me. It told me I didn't matter. That who I am was not valuable enough to not abuse.

So it's no wonder I don't deep down believe the weight of words telling me I am lovely and treasured. Because actions have always spoken louder.

But Light is breaking through all of that.

I stare in the mirror at my reflection and I catch a glimpse of someone familiar, but unknown.

And by grace I am starting to see the contradiction —

of who I thought I was and who I suppose I really am.


**This story doesn't end here. Visit me on Monday to read how I have used fiction to define myself and relationships and why I stopped writing it.


Linking today with Lisa-Jo…
Five Minute Friday

7 comments:

annette @ A Net In Time said...

Stopping in from Five minute Friday. All I can say is .. keep following the light, you will only see yourself more clearly if you do. :)

Beth said...

Agreeing with Annette...keep following the light. It's encouraging to read how God is moving in your life. It will surely encourage others as well.
Many blessings,
Beth

Karrilee Aggett said...

LOVE this Christy! I was so excited when I saw on facebnook that you were speaking at a MOPS group - what an opportunity and girl - you have plenty to share... plenty of value and wisdom and grace!

So proud of you for allowing God to dig around and partnering with Him to do the hard work... and I am so excited that you are beginning to see your real and true self emerge!

From what I can see - she's beautiful!
~K~

Jennifer Peterson said...

Love this, thank you for sharing these tough words, I can so relate. So blessed to have met you, love you much.

Amy Tilson said...

This is powerful and I am so intrigued by your "confession" of using fiction. I think there is much there to be discovered and shared with others. Bless you for telling your story!

Christy Willard said...

Thank you all for your loving and kind words! I truly appreciate all of you!

~Christy

Lisa said...

Christy, this is another wonderful post. As I said in my FMF post....I too am learning to believe a new image in the mirror. It's encouraging to hear your similar thought

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