My Five Minute Friday on: Reflect
I spoke yesterday at a local MOPS group. I told them all about how to take better pictures. I grasped the sides of the podium, microphone poised and ready for my words and all I could think of was "how did I wind up here?"
I'm not a speaker, after all.
I told you once how I feel like a fraud. How I hesitate to claim, well, much of anything in my life for fear that someone might then expect something from me. And what if I can't deliver?
It's taken me the past year to see the flaw in that.
After throwing away the ruler and giving myself permission to be human, I have words being spoken into my heart of love and acceptance.
Why do I struggle to believe them?
It's confusing to a child when innocence is stolen, but it makes no more sense to me now. The betrayal defined me. It told me I didn't matter. That who I am was not valuable enough to not abuse.
So it's no wonder I don't deep down believe the weight of words telling me I am lovely and treasured. Because actions have always spoken louder.
But Light is breaking through all of that.
I stare in the mirror at my reflection and I catch a glimpse of someone familiar, but unknown.
And by grace I am starting to see the contradiction —
of who I thought I was and who I suppose I really am.
**This story doesn't end here. Visit me on Monday to read how I have used fiction to define myself and relationships and why I stopped writing it.
Linking today with Lisa-Jo…