Feeling better since my last post. It's amazing how up and down life is and frustrating how hard it is to stay positive when you're in the "down". I thank God for friends and my counselor, Dr. Bob. Sometimes you don't know you need another perspective until you get one. Boy, it can change everything!
Have I ever mentioned that I'm an overthinker? My counselor calls it "chatter", which makes me laugh, but that's exactly what it is. Too much chatter going on in my mind, with a little devils advocate sprinkled in for good measure. Have you ever met someone that can see things from every possible angle imaginable? Well, that's me a lot of the time. It's very tiring actually. And I know that's why I have a hard time making decisions. It's not because I don't want to, but because I'm too busy thinking up alternatives to Plan A, Plan B, etc. Any-who...
I think a lot about friendship. I have always had friends. I have had all kinds of friends. And I know that God doesn't want us to do this life alone so he provides friends for all seasons. Some friends have come and gone. Some friendships have changed. Some friends have moved far away. And some friends are brand new. I have relationships in all stages of friendship. But in all my life I have only had a select few friends that have been really, really close. Who knew me very well. I got a card for a friend of mine, my closest friend (and I haven't even given it to her yet), but it says, "It amazes me that even before we met, the Lord already knew we were going to be friends. He could see even before we could that our friendship would fill the little spot in our hearts that was just waiting for someone really special to come along. I'm so glad God planned our friendship, and that all the times I prayed for a friend- the answer was already you." Wow! I have a lot of friends that I know were brought into my life by God. And I am so thankful for them! But my friend, Kim, there's something different about her. She is the first friend that knows every part of me. She knows the nitty-gritty yucky stuff, she knows my hopes and fears, she sees it all and is still my friend. If I had a sister, I'd imagine it would feel like having Kim. A few months ago, Kim & her family moved into the house across the street from us. I truly believe that God had our friendship planned from the start. And just like meeting a spouse, when the time is right He brings you together. Since this is about my friendship, I'll leave out the details of God's hand in bringing our spouses together. Adam & Peter were friends first. Instant friends, drawn together by God. And they prayed that God would draw our families close and Kim & I would become friends, too. So our friendship is actually their fault.
One last thing about friendship... Early on in my marriage I didn't really have any close friends. I pretty much had my husband and we were struggling then. Not only did God lead us to our church, but he was preparing us for the day it would all come crashing down. He was establishing friendships for us that, when the going got tough, would be the love and support we would need at that time. We wouldn't be the people we are today without the friends that prayed, talked, and supported us during that time and are still loving us today. I had a dream one night during the "yucky days" four years ago. I was in church and I started weeping. I felt hands on my shoulders and I looked up. Standing around me were 4 women from my church that God had brought into my life. What an image for me. I never knew how important it was to have women friends until I had them. What an amazing dream! But it wasn't just a dream...it was real. I do have a group of women, some peers, some older that love me and advise me and help me make it through the down times. What a blessing they are!
There is a Casting Crowns song called "Stained Glass Masquerade". There are a couple of lines that always overwhelm me and I think about my friendships and how thankful I am for them.
"But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay"
Thank you friends, for staying and loving me just the way I am.