Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Bleeding Heart

Have you ever seen a dog chase its tail? Round and around Fido goes and just never catches it. Is it the thrill of the chase? Or does he think at some point, by running faster or reaching farther, he will get it?

I feel like Fido a lot of the time.

As much as I try to do, achieve, or be it's never enough. As hard as I try I find myself running around in circles trying to do it all. And somewhere along the way, I forget the reason I'm doing it in the first place.

My inner Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) are at war with each other. As much as I try to be a good listener, rester, or waiter on God, the Martha in me is convinced that it is my doing that gives me worth and value to others.

Perfectionism teases me into thinking I can actually do it all and do it well, and it is unacceptable if I cannot.

It was a good friend who reminded me that God loves me right now. He's not waiting until I reach "the goal". He does not withhold his love until I get it right.  He doesn't keep a running tally of each obstacle I have overcome or the number of sins I've eradicated once and for all. Nor does he condemn me (Romans 8:1-3) for the mistakes I've made and repented of, no matter how big or how small they are.

This life is not about being the best, but about trying our best. It's not about what we do, but what motivates us to do it. Is it Love? Is it God? Is it a bleeding heart?

Do you feel defeated because you can't do it all? Do you see anything less then perfection as failure?

We are held captive by the idea that we have to have it all figured out before we can be of any use. But God uses the weak to lead the strong (1 Corinthians 1:26-31). "While we were still sinners Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). He didn't die for the rule followers, the perfect people, or the ones who are without sin.

He died for you and for me so that we could live a new life in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). A new life that challenges us to follow His guidebook, utilize the Holy Spirit (John 14:26, Ephesians 1:13-14), and experience a relationship with a God who loves unconditionally, "not limited in any way, complete and absolute."

So we can surrender the idea that we have to be more then we are. We can live free from our self-imposed "rules" knowing that Christ loves us right now, just as we are. That He wants our hearts and minds to be focused on Him and our motivation to be out of Love.

And He doesn't want us to miss out on all that God is because we're too busy chasing our tails to see it.

Linking up with Ann Voskamp for "Walk With Him Wednesdays" and Jennifer for "Getting Down with Jesus"


Unknown said...

romans 5:8 has always been a favorite :)

Unknown said...

Thanks for the raw honesty. Amazing that it is not our gifts and talents that give us value. So contrary to the lies we hear each day. Thanks for the dose of truth.

Unknown said...

A friend of mine on FB wrote this comment I wanted to share:

"Just heard someone speak on John 6, the feeding of the of the 5,000. His response to the disciples' anxiety about not having the money to feed all of those people, and the boy's willingness to offer his lunch was this: God doesn't ask us to give what is needed, He just asks us to give what we have. I love many times I feel like I need to have all that is needed!"

Thanks, Kim!

Court D said...

I struggle with perfectionism from time to time. Just today I started to panic a bit when my boss gave me a new task to do as he steps down and I realized I just needed to breathe and get the task done until a new boss comes to do it!

Jennifer @ said...

Oh my word...

Did you crawl up into my brain?

Thank you for sharing so beautifully. God touched me through you tonight.


"He didn't die for the rule followers, the perfect people, or the ones who are without sin. He died for you and for me so that we could live a new life in Christ."

You rock. I am so pleased that you're linked up...

Unknown said...

Thank you all for your encouragement! The beauty of community is sharing our struggles to find that others can totally identify. We really aren't that different and we certainly have similar struggles.

Thank you, Jennifer, Court, and Kelli for visiting! I hope you will come back again soon!


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