It's the 4th week of school and I think, somewhere between the third week of school and now, I have found my ASHMWKSFD groove. I sit here listening to the tip tap of the rain outside because the house is quiet and I can actually hear it. The kids are adjusting and I'm adjusting. You ladies were right, I will still be busy even with the kids in school all day. Getting better at the day to day. Getting things done and not feeling wasteful of my time. It's different. Not bad or good, just different.
I was tucking my son into bed last night when he leaned up to kiss me on the cheek. He said, "Mom, I love you like crazy!" What a beautiful thing! My kids are such a joy to me. I wish I could bottle those moments as a reminder on those hard parenting days.
So I'm in this place where I'm trying to figure out what God wants me to do now that my kids are in school all day. And for whatever reason I'm feeling this great pressure that because we don't have a lot of money that the expectation (not from my husband) is to go out and get a job. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I don't know if that's what God wants me to do. I don't even know what kind of job I would go out and get.
I love photography and video editing and writing from the heart. Can I get a job doing that stuff, please?
I love volunteering at school and going on field trips and being involved in my kids lives. I still want to be available to do that. It's important to our family.
We can't have it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm a hard worker. I'm not saying I don't want to "work". I'm just saying going out and getting a job, any old job, just doesn't feel right to me. Not now.
So by faith I'm going to try to take more pictures.
And by faith, I'm going to edit videos for this really kind and generous Christian man that is willing to use me to edit some ministry projects for him. Here's something he shot and edited.
And I don't know what any of this will look like. And I continue to pray, NOT that God will bless what I HAVE decided to do, but that He will lead and guide my path to do what He wants me to do. I don't want to get in the way.