My Five Minute Friday on: She
She stands center stage with a microphone in hand. Her eyes on the page she sings about love and sacrifice and Jesus. She is confident of one thing — that this worship feels like home.
She lifts her head and scans the room. So many faces, familiar. She wonders what they see when they look her way.
She wears this brown hair and pale skin, a smile too wide and a laugh loud, but it covers and hides. Under the confident assurance, beneath the handshaking and the small talk sits an insecure, self-doubter.
She quietly assesses how her worth might measure up. And she talks to fill the awkward space because she's completely unsure.
If you asked her, she would confide. It's not a secret she's unwilling to share. But do you want to know? Does it matter that there's more to the woman you think you see?
She stands alone, watching people talk and connect. She makes a mental list of the things she is not. She feels unsure, left out, but her mind tells her stories of why. Fictional accounts of what others think of her and why they leave her standing there.
It's a game of unworthiness, of accepting made-up thoughts as truth. She hooks her hopes on others and she keeps coming up empty.
She is me.
And she is you.
She is told of her value. She reads the "you are enough" encouragement. But she prays that one day this truth will overtake the record that plays over and over in her own head. And that she might be that woman who scans the noisy, crowded room to find the one standing there alone, convinced she doesn't matter either.
Linking today with Lisa-Jo…
Great post. Thanks so much for shaing!!
I love today's prompt, you can go anywhere with it. In Youth group, I sang once and often thought the same things. I still think the same thing when in group gatherings, always not feeling like you did enough or "are" enough. We are enough and do enough!
Ah- that mental list of the things she is not? -why do we do this?!!! I'm learning to fill my thoughts with TRUTH when I start going down that path. Thankful for you, Christy!
Oh, how vulnerable the little ones are to the lies of satan! I am so grateful that the Lover of your Soul has chased you relentlessly and is leading you into His glorious freedom!
"She stands center stage with a microphone in hand." Although not the one singing, I have been the one speaking. Others have said I look so put together, so that must mean they didn't hear my knees knocking, right? This is a great post I can fully relate to. Thanks for the encouragement.
Oh what beautiful writing. God loves us and makes us as worthy as the greatest saint. May that truth sink into all of our hearts.
Oh, Christy. This is beautiful. Its true: believing in our worth takes practice and intention. So glad we rubbed elbows on Twitter this past week!
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