Wednesday, January 15, 2014

You're Loved

It happened in the middle of a set of praise songs.

As I sang words about sacrifice and victory and amazing love.

And familiar, frequently sung words suddenly took on new meaning.

I can't really explain it. It was like my head and my heart suddenly converged (for once) and I finally knew. Deep inside of me I knew that He loved me. I believed that He loves me.

I have been open about my trudging and questioning and seeking this past year. And how painful this season has been as I unearth some struggles that were buried deep.

And I knew that when it was time to choose a "one word 365" for 2014 that the Lord had already been prodding me in this area of value and acceptance and love.

So perhaps God has been creaking my heart open like a heavy door to let some Light shine into a place I had cordoned off. An area built on lies I used to define myself.

So I'm singing of how the blood of Jesus saved my life and I experience this warm knowing. And the tears threatened to overtake me.

I've been on a journey to understand what Love is and why it sometimes hurts me. And I have questioned whether pain can exist in love or whether I have just been blind. Relationships that I relied on and put all of myself into became a catalyst to see how unhealthy I've been.

But that morning, out of my mouth come these words and it was like the first time I ever heard them.

There was this verse: O what love/no greater love/Grace, how can it be/That in my sin/yes, even then/He shed His blood for me.

And this one: And wonder how He could love me/a sinner condemned, unclean/how marvelous/how wonderful/and my song shall ever be:/how marvelous/how wonderful/is my Savior's love for me!

I have wondered how He could love me. Doubted it even.

But with Him there are no strings attached. No questionable agenda. No disappointed expectations.

I have tried so hard to be all. Do all. I have suffered under the immense pressure of what I think I'm supposed to do. Who I think I'm supposed to be.

And in this Holy Spirit moment He opens my eyes to believe this truth for the first time. I mean really believe it.

I am loved.

Then this from my Pastor, Tony Taylor: "It's not enough to believe in God. You must believe Him."

I sigh because I just wrote about believing and faith and getting rid of labels. And it's time this overwhelming, hard to believe, grace-filled Truth washes over me.

"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13

So I sing and I cry and I celebrate that this Amazing Love is mine and yours. And there's no way to lose it or ruin it or earn it.

Only to accept it, appreciate it, and —

believe it.


Linking with:

Holley Gerth (Coffee for Your Heart)


Jennifer at:

12 comments:

Mari-Anna Frangén Stålnacke said...

Nothing better than to be loved and know it. God's love is indeed overwhelmingly wonderful. Thank you for this beautiful reminder and thank you for visiting http://www.flowingfaith.com! God bless you and yours!

Mel Schroeder said...

Such a beautiful reminder today...thank you for this. Blessings and happy Wednesday to you! :)

Beth said...

Christy, such beautiful words this morning. I loved the quote from your pastor. His love is Amazing isn't it? Singing with you this morning.
Many blessings,
Beth

Christy Willard said...

Thank you, Mari-Anna, Mel, and Beth, for taking the time to read and comment! I appreciate your encouragement!

Christy

Salina Gibson said...

Stopping by from Jennifer Dukes Lee. I loved your words. I chose a word this year too (first time I've done that) You are welcome to stop by my page to link up with my post this week. :)

Jeri said...

Beautiful and true words you have spoken. So many women will relate. I can relate. There are so many women hurting, that don't feel loved, or valued, or heard. As women of faith we must provide those words to uplift other women, rather than tear them down (which is the norm these days). I can feel your heart being poured out in these words. May God continue to let the light shine in on you. Jeri

Karrilee Aggett said...

Oh Christy - this post reminded me of a slightly more modern worship song as well... "Amazing Love, how can it be - that You my King would die for me... Amazing Love, I know it's true - and it's my joy to honor You... in all I do..."

It IS amazing how He loves us! How He just looks right into us - into who He made us to be... praying your view of you continues to match up to His!

~Karrilee~

Beatriz Magana said...

Christy,
I know exactly where you are coming from. Once we believe in Him and Him, we have that feeling of freedom; from our shackles, our labels, freedom from the enemies grip! It is not easy to accept that we are loved deeply where we are at, because we have lived this "life" all this time, and it is the only one we know. But when we know Him...really know Him, everything changes. In spite of all of my mistakes (horrible ones at that!) I feel like a new person. I have my hope on Him because He is the only reason I love, and I love my life, and I love people! He has been so gracious to me, and I am His forever. Thank you for sharing your breakthrough. It is HUGE!

Jenna @ A Mama Collective said...

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this story that is all so familiar to women (and men) all over. You said it beautifully. Now we all just gotta believe it :) ~Jenna

PS Glad to have found you at Holley's link-up. Excited to look around some more!

Tonya Salomons said...

Christy

I just love this. It's not enough to believe IN Him, we have to believe Him... thank you for this! I too have just recently felt the power of song connect my head and my soul... a truly holy moment. Blessings friend.

Patty Sumner said...

Just found your blog via Tell your story from Elizabeth at Just following Jesus... Love your post... I have found myself in that same position so many times....singing or hearing the Word and realizing the depth of it to my life...To sing and believe what we sing.. to hear the Word and believe it to be true and to walk as if we do...Not just to Believe in Jesus but to believe in such a way that it changes your life...to believe Him...May you be blessed as you continue to share your heart and faith.. Blessings! I am following along with you.. I would love to have you visit with me...

jacqui said...

Where you said 'I've tried so hard to be all," I get this. I too had my moment where heart and head converged. It was on October. I came to a hard spot where I had to say to the Lord "I can't be all to everyone," and he said "Just let me be your all." What a freeing place to say "OK." And really mean it. I've never known his love like I've known it during the last 3 months. I loved your post. Thx for writing so authentically.

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