Like Adam and Eve after the fall, I am painfully aware of myself. And I have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to cover myself with "fig leaves".
I was reminded by Pastor Tony last Sunday that it was not God who did the covering. Once Eve ate from the forbidden tree they both became painfully aware of their nakedness and hid — literally.
I hide my shame, my embarassment.
I concern myself with what other people think.
I blame-shift and doubt myself.
It was the first man's natural response and it's mine, too. But I've graduated from fig leaves, friends. I'm wearing so many layers I'd be all set for a trip to frigid Antarctica.
In the last eight or so years I have removed some of the layers. I'm not down to the fig leaves yet, but I'm getting there — slowly exposing, admitting, and sharing this imperfect heart and a life that is sometimes hard.
When I reveal my weaknesses (especially to myself) then I realize how much I desperately need God. I want to hide, but He pursues me.
Why are you hiding?
I hide because I am worried what people will think of me.
Why do you believe others over me?
I feel ashamed and regret choices I made.
Will you be responsible for what you've done?
When I allow myself to stand naked before Him, I find that I am already covered — covered by His blood, His grace, His forgiveness.
I will always be naked and the feelings of shame may forever nag. But instead of covering myself with more "fig leaves," I pray I will reach for God. For His covering is the one I need.
Bible passage references: Genesis 3:1-21